


Return

by Hamliet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Angst, Christmas, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8618584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamliet/pseuds/Hamliet
Summary: When an unexpected tip gives rookie cop Rey a chance to investigate the disappearance of Luke Skywalker, her suspicions land on his bratty nephew. Reylo & Stormpilot. Christmas-centric.





	1. Hope

"I don't have time to listen to your babble, kid. Scram!"

 _Who even still uses that word_? Rey winces as she carries a steaming coffee cup back to her desk. The scent of pumpkin spice wafts up to her nose. She'll need all the caffeine and sugar she can get to muddle through her afternoon of paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. Once upon a time, she thought being a cop would be exciting—protecting people, upholding the law, keeping the peace. But the only peace she's been struggling to keep since Jakku hired her is her peace of mind.

"But I'm telling you something's up with him! You might be able to find Luke Skywalker," protests another voice, younger and earnest.

Rey's ears perk up. "Luke Skywalker?" she blurts out before she can help it. _The missing businessman?_

 _Oh, well._ She's already dipped her voice in it. Might as well make her face known. Rey rounds the corner to find Chief Plutt glaring at her. A man with a handsome and determined face glares right back at the chief.

Rey crosses her arms.

"Are you on the case?" the young man asks.

" _I_ am on the case," Chief Plutt snarls. "All cold missing persons cases go to me." He waves his thick hand. "She's a rookie."

"But she's interested in it," protests the man.

"Don't speak for me," Rey interjects.

The man's jaw drops. "But—if you're not, then why did you come over here?"

"I _am_ interested," Rey retorts. "Just don't speak for me."

"Officer Kenobi, can I speak with you in my office?" demands Chief Plutt.

Rey nods. She follows the man who looks like a blowfish into his office, decorated with rusted trinkets and other things that look like he scavenged them from a three hundred year old shipwreck. It reminds Rey of her tiny studio apartment, where she keeps all the seashells and pebbles she's collected and magazine photos of exotic places—rain-forests and tropical lagoons and deserts and far-off galaxies. She kept whatever made her smile when she was a girl, and can't bear to throw any of it out now.

When she first saw Chief Plutt's office, she thought they could be friends. Maybe he, too, was lonely. Maybe he'd mentor her.

Instead, he always looks at her the same way he's looking at her now: like a tool to do his paperwork, a pretty trinket he can caress and do unholy things to. Not that Rey will ever let him touch her. Not that he'd try. He is, after all, a cop, even if a lazy one.

"You," seethes Plutt. "What are you _doing?"_

"I remember reading about the case," Rey answers. "I thought it interesting." No one's seen Luke Skywalker, or heard from him, in almost ten years. His sister, Leia Organa, is the politician, the senator Plutt loathes and Rey likes for her plucky persistence in advocating for people like Rey. Forgotten people, on the edges of society.

"Interesting, yes. But we don't have time to pursue a vengeful, angry kid's idiotic way of getting back at his employer."

"What?" Rey's pretty sure that sentence isn't even grammatically correct.

"He was just fired from an employer and came in here to tell me that he thinks his employer knows something about the case."

"Why does he think that?" Rey asks.

"Didn't ask, because he isn't a reliable source."

"Why not?"

"Because!" Plutt shouts, leaning across his desk. "He's not."

"Based on what evidence?" Rey presses.

"You know what, Officer Kenobi? You're pissing me off. Go escort that kid out of here and do your paperwork." He waves his hand too close to her face. Rey wrinkles his nose at the pungent odor of onions.

"Fine." She schlepps out of the office, closing the glass doors behind her. The man turns to her with a bright smile. He's got to be about her age, maybe a little older, and his eyes—he looks anxious.

 _Are you really blackmailing your employer?_ But of course she can't ask that. _Ex-employer._ "Let's go."

"I'm not crazy," the man insists, angry. His boot clomp against the tiled floor as she leads him past her desk.

_Be back soon, pumpkin latté._

"I know what I heard," he continues.

"And what did you hear?" Rey asks.

"My old boss, a man named Armitage Hux—he was saying that no one would ever find Luke Skywalker. That Kylo Ren made sure of it."

Rey scoffs. "And you just happened to overhear this?"

"Yes." He throws his hands in the air. "So I quit."

"Quit, or were fired?"

"Quit." He glares at her. "I don't appreciate being—"

"Where did you work?" She peers out the windows behind him. Dark clouds broil overhead. Winter's arriving. Soon she'll have to replace her pumpkin lattés with peppermint ones. Or eggnog.

"First Order Inc."

Rey winces. She hasn't heard anything good about that greedy company. "Well, good for you for getting out."

"Thanks," he mutters. "What's your name?"

Rey blinks. Usually people don't bother to ask. "Rey Kenobi. Officer Kenobi."

"I'm Finn." He holds out his hand, and she shakes it.

"My boss says you have to leave."

Finn's face crumples. "So you're not looking into it?"

Rey hesitates. "Can you meet me for coffee at five-thirty?"

* * *

It's a good thing she arranged to meet Finn for coffee. Her pumpkin spice latté was cold by the time she got back to her desk. Besides, Rey wants to drink all the pumpkin spice she can before peppermint moves in.

She spent the afternoon researching the case. Nothing's known. No immediately suspicious family members or friends, plus a bank account hat was completely withdrawn by Mr. Skywalker himself. Bank footage to prove it, even.

 _What were you planning on doing with that money?_ Rey wonders.

"So can you tell me more about your boss?" Rey asks, sipping her coffee. And eating a donut. Screw stereotypes. It's her dinner so it's fine.

"Hux." Finn fidgets, sipping his iced coffee. He's wearing a puffy parka despite the cold drink. "He's an angry man. Smart, though, in a business sense. And he was talking about Kylo Ren—"

"Who's he?" Rey asks.

"He loosely works with us. See, First Order's overseen by Hux, but also answers to Snoke, who runs all these companies—"

"Heard the name," Rey says, scribbling on her notepad.

"And Kylo Ren works for him."

"Okay." Rey plans on running this weird name through her computer when she gets to work tomorrow. In-between paperwork, of course. "Did you ever meet Luke Skywalker?"

Finn shakes his head. "No."

"Maybe we should talk to someone who did," Rey muses.

" _We?"_

"Well, me. You're not a cop."

"Did that Plutt guy give you permission to open the case?"

Rey bites her lip. "No. So it'll have to be on the side."

"Well, if you need any help," Finn offers. "As a friend."

 _You're lonely too, aren't you?_ Rey nods. "Thanks. I—I might."

The next day, Rey picks herself out of bed. Her heat's turned off again. _Dammit_. She hobbles to get ready and runs to work to search for Kylo Ren.

Nothing.

Not a trace of this human being.

 _An alias?_ Rey's pulse picks up pace.

By the end of the day, she has another name. _Ben Solo._

Luke's nephew. Leia Organa's son.

Rey calls Finn when she leaves the building. "How about some hot chocolate this time? And a drive?"

"I don't have a car," he says, uncertainly.

"It's okay. I do." Sort of. It's more like a hunk of junk, but it works most days, except the ones when mice crawl into the engine.

Orange sunlight glows on the edge of the horizon as she picks up Finn by the address he gives her. The car in front of her has a Christmas tree strapped to the top. "I always wanted to have one," she blurts out.

"A Christmas tree?" Finn questions as he gets into the car. "Geez. You have heat in this thing?"

"It works when it wants to," Rey answers. "Yes, a tree. They always look so pretty in the stores, and in the movies."

"I never had one either," Finn admits.

"Really?" Rey glances at him. "Were you a foster kid?"

"Yep." Finn drops his eyes as if he'd rather not discuss the subject further.

"Does the name _Ben Solo_ mean anything to you?" Rey asks as she drives, passing the car with the tree. A couple sits inside, beaming. Well, she's imagining the beaming part.

"Is it someone who was once single?" Finn jokes.

Rey snickers. "No. It's Kylo Ren's real name."

"Never heard of it. Unless… is he related to Han Solo?" Finn gapes at her. "If they're related—that would maybe explain it!"

"So it makes sense that people whoa re related would kill one another?" Rey questions. "Maybe it's a good thing I don't have anyone."

"No. Just that… it makes _more_ sense," Finn explains. "I didn't know they were linked at all, before."

"I'll call them," Rey says, pulling to the side of the road and fiddling with her phone. "See if I can interview Leia or Han." Leia's website lists a contact number, though obviously it isn't her personal number."

"About their son?" Finn questions.

"And Luke." Rey dials, listening to it ring and ring.

"Hello?" answers a cheerful, male voice. "This is Poe Dameron. May I ask who—"

"My name is Rey Kenobi. Officer Rey Kenobi," she adds. It feels good to add that extra validation to the front of her name, a name given to her by the state and not by anyone who really cared. "I'm calling to ask if I could come by and interview Leia Organa and Han Solo."

A pause. "What is this regarding?" Poe asks carefully.

"The disappearance of Luke Skywalker."

"Is there new information?" Poe asks eagerly.

"Well—no," Rey answers, watching Finn's face fall. "Not exactly. We have a tip. But we'd like to talk to Ms. Organa and Mr. Solo, see if they remember anything new about the days leading up to—"

"Ms. Organa's very busy, but she's always got time if it can help find her brother," Poe says. "Man, can I ask what the new lead is? She's going to be so hopeful. Han's hired so many private investigators and it's all led to nada, and good God, this will be like the best early Christmas present to her."

 _Maybe not._ Rey cringes. _What if he's dead?_ "I can't give you any information yet."

"Sure, I understand."

"When is she available?" Rey imagines her schedule in her mind. "Say, over the weekend?"

"Saturday," Poe confirms. "All day. Any time. Your pick."

"Three?" Rey looks to Finn. Can he— _does it even matter—_

Finn gives her a thumbs-up, and damn, Rey likes having a partner. Finn would be a good cop.

"Sounds great! Entering it in her calendar right now. I can ask Mr. Solo and get back to you on that?"

"That works," Rey agrees.

"Perfect. Happy Holidays."

"Happy Holidays," Rey echoes before she hangs up.

But before she meets with Ms. Organa… _Kylo Ren. Ben Solo._

* * *

The stars are all sparkling by the time Kylo Ren shows up outside his place. Rey expected a mansion. Instead, it's a small ranch-style house with peeling paint. Her fingers are practically numb from staking it out, and Finn almost fell asleep twice. He did manage to apply for two jobs from her car, though.

"Hey!" Rey calls, jumping out of her hunk of junk. She's still in her uniform. The cold air smacks her bare neck. "Can I—"

"Who the blast are you?" A tall man, wrapped in a thick black coat and with a black scarf wrapped around his neck and— _huge_ —shoulders, whirls around to face her.

 _Oh_. Rey blinks. She wasn't sure what she was expecting—a monster? A man with beady eyes in a sunken face that looks suspiciously like Unkar Plutt, or like the petty thieves and druggies she sees booked into custody every day?

Instead, the face staring back at her is soft despite its angular shape. His eyes, though dark in color, are nothing like she'd expect a potential murderer's to be. His hair flows around his face, thick and curling slightly, almost like a child's or a college student's. "I'm—"

"Sorry," the man stammers. "I didn't mean to make you afraid." His words come punctuated with little frost balls as his breath freezes in the air.

 _You didn't,_ Rey wants to snap, but it's not true. He did. "I'm Officer Rey Kenobi," she says.

Kylo cranes his neck. Rey turns to see Finn getting out of the car, watching with a concerned look on his face. Concerned for her? "Is that your partner?"

"Of sorts," Rey responds. "I'm here to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

Kylo's face stiffens. Even in the dark, she can see a variety of moles dotting his face. It's not unattractive. "About what?"

"Your uncle," Rey answers. "Luke Skywalker."

"He's not my uncle."

"Aren't you Ben Solo?"

Kylo's eyes pop. "How did you find me?"

"I'm a cop. Are you really—"

"Get off my property," Kylo seethes. Gone is the sensitivity from his voice. He looks at her like a man who has something terrible, something rotting, to hide.

Rey takes a step back. Her heart hammers in her throat. "Don't you want to help find him? We have a new lead, and—"

"I said get out! Please!" He clutches his skull.

"Well, that's your right," Rey tells him. "I can always get a warrant, though."

"A warrant for what?"

"Searching your property." She narrows her eyes. "You're acting pretty suspicious."

Kylo's jaw drops. "I—what? You _suspect_ me? My uncle's—fine. He doesn't want to be found!"

"Convenient," Finn comments. Another car drives up the street without slowing down.

"It's the truth. And everyone's better off for it."

"Are you so sure?" Rey asks. "What makes you so sure? Because, really, _Kylo_ , I'd like to know. I'm sure your mother would like to—"

"Don't call her that!" Kylo shouts. "I'm serious—get off my property! I don't have to answer any of your questions. You and that loser too."

"What did you call him?" Rey demands. She can't cite him—Finn's not an officer. She focuses on his car. "Fine." She marches off towards the black, shiny vehicle that in no way looks as if it should belong to the owner of this dilapidated house.

"That counts as my property!" Kylo shouts, dashing over to her. Rey jumps back, her hand on her tazer.

"I wasn't going to hurt you," he snaps, holding up his hands.

Rey rips off an orange ticket. "Here you go."

"For what?" Kylo yelps, his face swelling purple.

"Parking in front of a fire hydrant."

Kylo's face drains. Finn chuckles. "Where else am I supposed to park when you're here?"

"If you want to challenge, you can always take me to court," Rey tells him, her hands on her hips. "Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho."

"I hope you get a lump of coal!" Kylo yells after her.

"Happy New Year!" Rey flips him off as she drives away.


	2. Peace

" _What do you want for Christmas?" Ms. Scholes asked as she clapped her hands in front of her first-grade class. She passed out red paper cut-outs shaped like stockings. Cotton balls stood nearby, ready to be glued to the top, but Finn stared at the paper, black marker in his hand and nothing to write._

" _Finn? Aren't you writing?" Ms. Scholes came over and scowled at him. "Don't be lazy, now."_

 _Even at six, Finn knew that no one wanted to read,_ "I want a mom and a dad" _on the bulletin board._

Finn wakes up gasping. It's still dark, and he fumbles for his clock. The blue-green letters glow. _5:21._

 _Shit._ There's no way he's going back to sleep, not with his brain racing. Besides, he has to meet Rey later today, talk to Leia Organa.

It feels weird, working with her when he's not even a cop, and could never be. He's not good enough of a person, has too many rotting ghosts to drag around on his back all his life.

" _You're really quitting?" Phasma, his supervisor, gaped at him._

 _He nodded, unable to say another word._ Dammit _._

" _What will you do now, then?" Phasma snapped._

Finn still doesn't know.

He climbs out of bed, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. He's got enough saved to last him at least six months, but he needs another job stat.

Finn boils water for tea. He just couldn't handle how they treated people anymore. And that matters more to him than whether he has a steady income, money for cable, a roof over his head even. Hiring vulnerable people for janitorial purposes and paying them illegal wages—covering up allegations of misconduct by people he though were friends—the constant emphasis on being the best no matter who they ran over.

That corporate life. It's not for him. Fin stirs some sugar and milk in with his chai. Really, hearing that conversation between Hux and Phasma about Kylo Ren and Luke Skywalker is only the tip of the iceberg.

But he doesn't want to tell Rey that. He's ashamed.

Everyone always views him under a label: foster kid, scholarship student, new hire. A number, not a name.

Finn presses his face against the window. All across his neighborhood, colorful lights string around trees, across windowsills.

He doesn't know what he wants to do, but he knows he wants to make some sort of positive difference.

* * *

"Ready?" Rey asks as she pulls up beside the curb, an ever-present latté in her cupholder.

"Yep." Finn slides in. "Do you have any idea what you're going to say?"

"What do you mean?" Rey questions.

"Well—you obviously can't mention that you suspect her son—"

"Clearly not," Rey interjects. "I am a cop, Finn. I know how to handle it."

"Yeah, but how long have you been a cop?"

She side-eyes him. "I know what I'm doing. Or, I'll figure it out."

 _Great_ , Finn thinks.

Ms. Organa's office is in a small brick building—hardly the sky-rise with glinting glass everywhere that Finn imagined. A white Christmas tree sits in the lobby, covered in glowing clear lights and red velvet bows.

"Can I help you?" asks the girl at the front desk.

"I have an—interview with Ms. Organa," Rey says. "Poe Dameron arranged—"

"This is the cop I told you about, Jess!" A Hispanic man with amazing hair rounds the corner, a fluffy collie tugging at his leash. The dog pulls away and bounds over to Rey and Finn. "Hey—hey! BB-8!"

"Hello there," Rey says, kneeling and scratching behind the dog's ears. Finn crouches too, although he's wary.

The dog woofs, putting its paws on Finn's shoulder.

"BB-8!" A hand grabs the dog's collar.

"That's okay," Finn says as he gets to his feet. "He's cute."

"A little overly enthusiastic, but yeah, cute," agrees the man. His eyes, the color of espresso, widen as he takes in Finn's face. "I'm Poe, Poe Dameron."

"Finn."

"I'm Rey," Rey chimes in.

"Right. Well, you can come with me," Poe says, running his hands through his hair. "You Rey's partner in crime—in law—Finn?" He chuckles at his terrible, and also botched, pun.

"He's the one who gave me the tip," Rey says.

"Really?" Poe frowns as he leads them to an elevator that looks as if it hasn't been renovated in twenty years. For their sakes Finn hopes it has. "So what do you do?"

Finn shrugs. He hates having to admit this in front of Poe. "I'm—between jobs."

"He used to work at First Order," Rey puts in. "Hence, where the tip came from." She narrows her eyes at Finn.

 _What?_ he wonders.

"Really?" Poe frowns as the elevator dings. They get in. "Hey, what kind of work are you looking for?"

What can he say? _Not sure?_ "Something—where I can actually do something I like, and it also helps people." Hooray vagueness, his only shield.

"Oh my God, I've been there," Poe effuses, grinning at Finn. "Like, a few years ago, I worked for the local—well, a different local politician, and it sucked. They were all about saying the right things to get elected and throwing around big words like 'change' and 'patriotism,' but it never actually meant anything. And I was like, this isn't what I want to do. I bumped into Ms. Organa at a holiday schmooze-fest and the rest is history."

Finn can feel the ice cracking. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Except at First Order it was all about the bottom line, how to squeeze the most money out of everything and to hell with ethics."

"Seriously." Poe shakes his head. "I've heard Ms. Organa going off on them before. Of course she has a personal history with the CEO."

 _Snoke?_ Finn looks to Rey.

"You should know," Rey begins. Finn's heart seizes. _No, don't tell him!_

"I haven't officially been handed the case. I'm welcome to investigate on my spare time, of course—there's no law saying I can't—but the department hasn't officially reopened it."

Poe shrugs. "That's fine. If anything, I'm so—that's great that you're doing this. Both of you." He smiles at Finn, and something twists in Finn's stomach.

_Is he flirting with me?_

_Why would he want to do that?_

For someone who's spent his entire life wanting to mean something to someone, Finn's never once dated anyone. _Too busy_ , he said in college.

Really, he was too afraid.

"In here." Poe raps on a wooden door, and it opens to reveal a small room, cozy with a well-worn red couch and bookshelves lining the walls. An older woman, her hair lined with gray and swept into a bun, holds out her hand.

"You must be Officer Kenobi. I'm Leia Organa."

"H-hi," Rey stammers. "It's nice to meet you."

Ms. Organa ushers them into her office. A nutcracker rests on her desk, alongside a bowl of peppermints. "Please, tell me. Have you found anything on my brother?"

"We had a tip," Rey confirms, clearly not willing to divulge very much at the moment. "So I just have a few questions to ask you."

Poe shuts the door behind them. _Focus, Finn_.

"Mr. Dameron said that you had a connection to the CEO of First Order," Rey says. "How so?"

Ms. Organa's eyes widen. Clearly she wasn't expecting this line of questioning. "Snoke partnered with my brother and my son in business," she answers.

 _Ben Solo._ Finn watches Rey's back stiffen. "What was his relationship like with each of them? With you?"

"He was charming at first, but he's narcissist underneath." Ms. Organa rolls her eyes. "He liked Luke until Luke wanted to take their company in another direction, and then Luke was fired."

"Really?" Rey looks as if she's heard some of this before—she must have, in the case files—but how come this wasn't investigated more thoroughly?

"But Snoke was out of the country when my brother disappeared," Ms. Organa says.

Rey pauses. "Do you still think he's alive?"

"Yes," Ms. Organa says without hesitation.

Finn relaxes. It's the answer he wanted to hear, but it's certainly not the answer he expects to be true. He chews his lip.

"I know it seems foolish," Ms. Organa says, spinning a miniature, empty vase around on her table. "But I know in my heart that he is."

"And your son?" Rey asks quietly. "What kind of relationship did he have with his uncle?"

"Luke mentored Ben. But—" Ms. Organa frowns. "You aren't suspecting him, are you?"

"I—" Rey starts. "We're just looking at all the angles."

"He had nothing to do with it. He was with Snoke when Luke disappeared."

 _Should be easy enough to check,_ Finn decides. _And it doesn't mean he couldn't have hired anyone._

When the interview ends and Ms. Organa thanks them, clutching their hands, guilt niggles at Finn's mind. _She's lost her brother, and we're trying to take her son from her?_

_But if he did it…_

"Hey," Poe says as they emerge. "I think I have a story about Ben Solo you might want to hear."

"Were you eavesdropping?" Finn asks.

Poe gives a sheepish smile.

* * *

"A stupid cop?" Hux snorts. "Of all things, Ren."

Kylo's face burns.

"She's pathetic!" Hux crows, enjoying Kylo's anxiety way too much. "Look, you've got nothing to worry about. She's no detective."

"I wouldn't have anything to worry about anyways," Kylo retorts, heart slamming in his chest.

He hates the way Hux looks at him, so sly, like Kylo's pathetic for trying to trick him. But he's not trying to trick Hux, not this time. He's telling the truth.

But what's even the point anymore?

Kylo wishes he could send his fist through Hux's smug face, knock him on the floor and run, run out of this place and go anywhere, away from Snoke. But he's trapped.

_It's a prison._

"Your mommy was on the news yesterday," Hux tells Kylo nastily. "Helping poor little children in need. Guess she overlooked you."

"Go screw yourself," Kylo snarls, turning and marching out of Hux's office. His fingers dig through his coat pocket, grasping that bright orange ticket.

_One hundred dollars._

_Are you kidding me?_

He really should take the girl to court. Except, he doesn't want to have to deal with the inconvenience, and he doesn't want to have to explain to Snoke that this girl is determined to ask him about his uncle. And if he takes a day off for court, he'll definitely have to.

Hux will tell him anyways. Kylo curls his fists as he walks. Damn that bastard. Hux knows what he did, and he will never stop relishing the opportunity to lord it over Kylo, and never stop despising Kylo. And as justified as Hux may be, Kylo still hates him for it.

_You made yourself a laughingstock._

Kylo marches outside, the cold stealing the air from his lungs. Snow falls in light flakes.

He draws up short. "Oh, come on!"

"Don't worry. You're parked legally." The cop—Rey—pries herself off of her pathetic car with a scratch on the bumper and a dent in the side door. "I was wondering if you'd want to talk today."

"After writing me a ticket?" he snaps. The air smells damp and like burning wood, as if a nearby house has a fire burning in its fireplace. "No thank you."

"I spoke to your mother today."

Kylo freezes, his fingers on his car's door handle. "What did you tell her?" _That you think I'm a murderer? I have an alibi!_

"I asked her about your relationship with your uncle. It'd be really helpful if _you_ answered some—"

"May I ask why you're suddenly so interested in Luke Skywalker's case?" Kylo asks, spinning around to face her. She's tall, for a woman, but tiny compared to him. Her hazel eyes snap with a fervor that burned out long ago inside him.

"I got a tip." She folds her arm. Her tan parka's torn over the elbow, smudged. Snowflakes dot her russet hair.

 _That little…_ Kylo inhales. "From a certain ex-employee?" _Traitor!_ "I'm not sure why you'd want to trust him. He's a terrible—"

Rey glares at him. "You're talking about my friend."

Kylo blinks. "Have you been friends for awhile?"

"No—just the past week—" She tugs at her hair. It's down, unlike last time, and falls prettily to her shoulders.

"A little emotionally invested for someone you've only known for a week, aren't you?" He knows the taunt was a mistake the moment he says it. Her nostrils flare and her eyes blink furiously, as if to stop tears. "I'm sorry—"

"I know that you embezzled from your uncle, when you worked together," Rey tells him, voice shaking. "I know all about that. Motive's there, Kylo Ren, and I won't stop until I find—"

"I did not kill my uncle!" Kylo yells, knuckles popping from squeezing his fists so hard. "I _didn't."_ Hux is one thing—but _her? You don't even know me. Why are you thinking the worst of me?_

 _Why wouldn't she?_ If his mother told her—or his father—or anyone who knows, really, why wouldn't she think the worst?

Kylo's shoulders slump. "Forget it." He yanks open his car door.

"If you didn't kill your uncle, why haven't you talked to your parents in so many years?"

He looks back at her, door still open. "Would you?"

"I'd _always_ talk to my family," she answers honestly. "No matter what." Her voice comes raw, bleeding somehow, but Kylo doesn't understand what wounded her.

"You're luckier than I am, then," Kylo says.

"I'm not going to give up," she informs him. "I'm _going_ to find Luke Skywalker. Your mother—she misses her brother, Ben."

Fear shoots through him. "Don't call me—"

Rey shakes her head. "If you know anything, _please_ tell me—we can help you—don't you want her to not be in pain anymore? Not knowing is worse than confirmation, Ben—hope can be cruel—"

"And what would you know about that?" he demands.

She freezes, worrying her lower lip between her teeth.

 _Goodbye_. Kylo slams the door shut. He drives off, pausing the car by the exit to look over his shoulder.

She still stands there, watching him.

* * *

" _How could you do this, Ben?" his father ranted. Ben pressed himself against a wall, a rock growing heavy and sharp in the pit of his stomach. "You were supposed to be Luke's partner!"_

" _This business was doomed from the start!" Ben shouted back._ Be angry. Match him.

_When he was a child, he used to follow his dad around. He wanted to be exactly like him. And now it's the same. He could be cruel, too. He could cheat people for the greater good—_

" _Then why not just say so? Ben, you took your uncle's funds and invested them with—!"_

" _Snoke was a partner too; why aren't you yelling at him?" Ben demanded, a Christmas tree glittering in the corner with plain white lights and silver tinsel._

" _Because he isn't the one who—"_

" _I think it's pretty clear our son was acting on Snoke's advice," Mom said, her voice low, quiet, and enraged._

" _So what are you going to do?" Ben sneered, young and desperate to call their bluff. "Put us in jail?"_

" _No!" Luke slammed his fist down on the side of the couch. "I would never—"_

" _I would," Dad groused.  
_

What? _Mom's jaw dropped. Luke covered his eyes._

" _Tell me how you really feel," Ben snarled, but the words—they stuck to his throat, and they came out panicked and jumped, a stutter more than a snappy comeback. They slapped him instead of slapping his father._

" _Well?" Dad threw his hands in the air. "What do you expect me to do, Ben? It's Luke's choice, I'm not taking that from him, but you never learn! You only think of yourself!"_

" _I learned from the best," Ben retorted._

" _Stop it!" Mom shouted, but Ben couldn't. Resentment bubbled, boiling over._

" _You were never around!" Ben screamed at him. "You never cared about anything but your cars and all the cool designs you made and your fucking sports teams! You let Mom call all the shots because you were home what, once every few months? And you actually have the audacity to say that I—that I'm—I was always an inconvenience to you, wasn't I?"_

" _Quit with your goddamn pity party!" Mom yelled. "Just give the money back, Ben, and—"_

" _It's too late," Ben said, meeting his father's eyes._

" _No, it's not," Dad croaked, looking as if Ben's words cut him to the core._

Truth hurts. _Part of him wanted to throw himself at their feet, but no—they lied to him for too long, they've made so many bad political and business decisions—Snoke said— "Yes. It is."_

" _Only if you want it to be," Luke said from behind his parents, rising. He bumped a bowl of almonds, and it clatters but doesn't fall._

 _Dad watched him expectantly, expecting his boy to cave, to obey him, to hope in him—_ and you always let me down!

" _I want it to be," Ben declared._

" _Ben!" bellowed his father, stepping forward. Ben jumped back, and his father's jaw dropped as if he can't believe how Ben was acting, like he was afraid of him._

See? I really don't trust you. _It's as satisfying a thought as it was agonizing. "I'm going now."_

" _If you don't return the money, Ben, you'll be hurting us!" Dad yelled._

Stop blaming this on me! _Ben clenched his fists, and all the soccer games, his high school graduation—all the things his father missed flood his mind, petty and insignificant and gaping. "I wish you were dead."_

_Mom gasped. "Ben Solo!"_

_Dad looked at him, horror and hurt marring his face._ Are those tears in his eyes?

_Ben turned and ran, ran down the stairs, ran to his car where he jammed the key in the ignition but it wouldn't go in, wouldn't go in, wouldn't—there!_

If he was an inconvenience then, Kylo thinks as he swirls a glass of brandy in his run-down house, the only place he can afford with the pathetic salary Snoke gives him because both of them know Kylo could never get hired anywhere else, he doesn't want to imagine what his father thinks of him now.


	3. Love

_Where are you, Luke Skywalker?_ Rey chugs a gingerbread latté as she pours over files. She prefers the spices to the zing of the peppermint. Outside, the clouds churn in a threatening gray brew, threatening to pour a foot of snow on them.

"What are you doing, Kenobi?" barks Chief Plutt.

Rey jumps. Her coffee tips over, pouring onto her hands, the counter. Swearing, Rey grapples for napkins to wipe it up. Her hand stings from the burn.

"I thought I told you to give up on the case," Plutt tells her, his eyes narrowing and sweeping her up and down. Rey suddenly feels very small, as if she's been stripped of something protective.

 _Creep_. "I know I'm not officially taking it. I just thought that Finn's lead was worth—"

"So you're on a first-name basis with a witness, now?" Plutt demands.

Rey doesn't know what to say.

"Because I got a call from First Order today. Accusing me of having one of my officers harassing an employee of theirs."

 _What the hell?_ "I'm not _harassing_ —"

"But you're taking the witness along with you, everywhere? I know when I looked at your psychological report that they said you were lonely, Kenobi, but I didn't know you were that lonely."

The coffee Rey's drunken sizzles, burns her stomach. She wants to cry.

"You're putting the entire investigation in jeopardy. There's a reason you aren't a detective and I wouldn't give you the case and it's because you make dumbass mistakes like this."

"So accepting a payout is better?" Rey asks, crossing her arms.

Plutt blinks. "Excuse me?"

"There are enough suspicious facts that I cannot believe that no one thought to investigate more when Luke Skywalker first disappeared," Rey retorts. Her heart slams against her ribcage. Her coworkers rise like gophers in their cubicles, peeking over to watch. "Interestingly, you went to Hawaii that year. And Costa Rica. And—"

"Are you actually accusing me of taking a bribe?" Plutt rants. "You insolent, stupid _bitch!"_

"Title IX violation!" Rey yells right back.

"Well, you've proven to me that you don't have what it takes to be a cop!" Plutt roars. "You don't have what it takes to be anything other than a stupid, naïve slut!"

"Another one," Rey says, swallowing. _Keep it coming, Plutt. Try to fire me. Just watch._

"Well, where's your proof, little girl?"

"Three," Rey says, heat flooding her cheeks. Tears sting her eyes— _God—don't—_

"You don't have any," Plutt adds. "Give me the proof that I took a bribe. Give it to me. Come on, I'm waiting." He crosses his massive arms, tapping his flabby fingers. "Are you going to _cry?"_

 _Are we seven and on the playground?_ "I—"

"Say it. Say that you don't have any." Plutt takes a menacing step close to her.

"I don't have any," she whispers.

"Louder!"

" _I don't have any!"_ she yells at him. "And I'm filing a Title IX claim!"

"And I'm putting you on leave for insubordination!"

"Good luck!" Rey snaps back at him, grabbing her bag and what's left of her coffee. She can't look at her coworkers—maybe one of them will corroborate Plutt's harassment, but also maybe not. She marches out to her car and breaks down against her steering wheel.

 _I just failed Finn, and Poe, and Leia and Han. And_ Luke _._

_Did you? Is it really over?_

Rey yanks the key in the ignition. _Not yet._

* * *

When she arrives at First Order, snow's already tumbling to the ground, covering it in a soft white blanket.

"You!" A dour-faced redhead storms over to her. He looks like a fox that just ate a bitter berry. "What the—I heard you got fired!"

Rey's face burns. "Oh, did you? That's news to me. Interesting that you're in such close communication with—"

"You need to learn to let it go, before you wind up in a cell yourself," the redhead tells her. "I can recommend a good psychiatrist. I'm guessing that with your being an orphan and all, you didn't learn a lot of common sense things about social interaction. Also, you've been unable to let go of a lot of things—"

Rey feels as if he's stabbed her with a knife and is twisting it. "You—"

"What the hell, Hux?" shouts a familiar voice.

"Your stalker's back," Hux informs Kylo, who rushes up to them, his face twisted in a rage.

"So you decide to insult a cop—"

"Who may or may not be a cop very much longer."

"Thanks for informing on me," Rey tells Hux, her mind clicking the puzzle pieces together. "He did take a bribe, didn't he?"

Hux's jaw drops and his already pallid skin grows paler. "Well, you can't prove—"

"Give her a week. She probably will be able to prove it," Kylo says dryly.

"Are you admitting to it, then?" Rey demands.

"I don't have any money to give a bribe."

She's seen where he lives. _True enough._ "How about your boss, then? Enough for a bribe? Enough for hiring a hitman, like say, Fox or was it Hux—"

"Excuse me?" Hux yelps. "You can't—"

"I just did," she retorts.

Kylo's lips twist, almost as if he wants to smile.

"Give me a week," she promises, turning around and heading back to her car.

"Rey," calls Kylo.

"What?" She glares, meeting his eyes, and something socks her in the stomach. It's as if all the vulnerability, the shame stirring inside her—she sees it reflected in his dark eyes, too.

_How much did you know? Did you call Hux?_

"I had no idea Hux called your boss," Kylo tells her.

"Shouldn't you be happy he did?"

Kylo hesitates. "I don't know. I didn't kill my uncle." His eyes drop to the slush coating the ground. It seeps through Rey's boots, soaking her toes.

"Prove it," Rey invites him.

"How?"

"Consent to an interview."

"Aren't you suspended?"

Rey shrugs. "Pending a Title IX investigation that, if there's any honesty in the process, will get Plutt suspended too, yes."

"Fine."

"What?" Rey's jaw drops. Snow starts to fall harder, soaking her scarf.

"Let's… talk." Kylo shrugs.

"Good." Rey marches over to her car. "But we're taking this thing, not your ridiculous one."

Kylo scowls, but he stomps around to the other side.

"Are you kidding me, Ren?" Hux howls.

Kylo flips Hux off as he ducks into the car. "Geez!" He has to shove the seat back as far as it can go. "Really?"

"It's not my fault God made you so large," Rey tells him. _What did I just say?_ Her face flushes and she turns to her keys, to the wheel, anywhere by his stupid face and the way he looks amused and not at all disgusted by what she said.

"Where are we going?" Kylo asks.

"A coffee shop," Rey answers, and Kylo nods, taking in the coffee cups littering the floor and clogging all her cupholders. "And if you try anything, I'm armed."

"I don't think I want to underestimate you."

 _Everyone does, though_. Rey swallows.

"What happened at your work?"

 _This could be a good strategy. Get him to trust me_. Rey snorts, and details Plutt's anger. "Doesn't it make you happy?"

"No. I know what that feels like. Watching your dreams drip away, because of something idiotic you did."

"So you think I'm an idiot?"

"No—not at all. You're—" Kylo doesn't finish what he was going to say.

"So what was your last conversation with your uncle like?" Rey asks. At a red light, she sets her phone to record.

Kylo pauses, and then admits that it was a conversation with his uncle and his parents. "It's the last time I spoke to any of them."

"Even when your uncle went missing you didn't talk to them?"

"They don't want to talk to me. And I was afraid that they'd believe exactly what you do—that I had something to do with it." Kylo clenches his fists. "I'm not a good person, Rey, but I _tried_ , okay? I really fucking _tried_. I thought I was—but I know I'm not, okay, _now_. Who wants to face their parents when they're not a good person—when they've done what I have?"

"Well, your mother insists you had nothing to do with it."

Kylo snorts. "The fool."

"What?" Rey's jaw drops as she eases onto the highway. Damn, conditions are rougher than she thought.

"I didn't, but she should suspect me. It's logical, and yet I'm glad she doesn't." Kylo laughs. "It's pathetic, isn't it?"

"Stop pitying yourself. If you want to be good, pick yourself up and _be good."_

"I can't be."

"Why, because you murdered him?"

" _No_ , because I drove him to—" Kylo throws his hands in the air. Rey brakes hard and the car skids. "Are we all right?"

"Yeah," Rey croaks out. "I'll just—go slower."

"He disappeared because he was broken. He believed the best of everyone, Rey, and that was the core of who he was—is—was."

"Tell me what you're thinking, Kylo Ren," Rey snaps. Because she knows what it is, but she needs to hear him say it.

"I proved him wrong," Kylo whispers. "It's all—I—"

" _Well?"_

"I don't have any proof."

Rey almost laughs. "Hasn't stopped me."

Kylo actually chuckles. She slides her eyes over to him and his grin grows. _Dammit_. She laughs, too.

And then Kylo sobers. "I think he committed suicide."

Her joy dissipates. "Is your uncle really the type to do it without leaving any kind of note, though?" Rey demands.

"No." Kylo groans. "But I don't know. Maybe I didn't know him. He didn't know me—he left his beliefs blind him—"

"To the fact that you were an asshole?"

Kylo doubles over. "I think when you're suicidal, you're not exactly yourself, anyways."

"I don't know," Rey says. "For all the times I thought the world might be better off if I wasn't born, I _was_ born. And I felt obligated to try and live."

Kylo looks at her with his lips parted, eyes wide.

"What?"

He shakes his head and folds his arms. Damn, he's got huge biceps.

 _Eyes on the road, Rey_.

"I mean… I've thought about it. I haven't exactly brought anything good into the world."

 _Oh no_. Rey bites her lips. "Are you thinking about it _now?"_

Kylo snorts. "Christmas, right? Isn't it more common around now?"

Rey's heart aches. "Oh, Kylo. Do you want—I mean—"

"No, I don't want help. I can't—I don't deserve it."

"Kylo!" Rey shouts. "Your mom would _definitely_ disagree!"

"Look out!" Kylo yelps, and Rey slams on her brakes to avoid a black SUV. The car swerves, and they careen towards the side of the road, slamming into a tree.

Rey gasps, an airbag in her face and dust in the air. She coughs.

"Rey?"

 _Oh good, I didn't kill you_. "Yeah," she pants. "I'll just—are you—"

"I'm not hurt."

Rey flexes her arms, her legs. "Me neither." She unbuckles her seatbelt and jumps out of the car. Wind tears at her face. A tree sits halfway through the trunk of the car.

 _At least we didn't hit it head-on_.

 _Or we would be dead._ Rey shudders.

"This isn't driveable," Kylo shouts from behind her. His hair whips around his face, his cowl flying around him and making him look like some kind of dark knight.

"I know!" Rey shouts, jogging back towards the car. Kylo follows, crawling back inside. She pulls out her phone and calls for help.

" _Two hours?"_ Rey shrieks. "We don't have heat! We can't last that long!"

* * *

"So," Poe says. "How did it go?"

"Well. I think," Finn adds, running the interview over and over again in his mind. What if he didn't use the right inflection there? What if he—

"Don't overthink it," Poe tells him, offering Finn a smile.

"Huh?"

"You seem like the type to overthink." Poe grins. "Don't waste your energy running your mind into the ground. I'm sure you did fine."

Finn rolls his eyes. "We'll see." He glances outside, where snow already blankets the ground. There's got to be a couple of inches at least. "Thanks for connecting me."

"No problem." Poe shrugs. "You seem like a decent guy. You deserve to find something that makes you happy." His dark eyes sparkle, and Finn takes in his wavy hair, the way his smile comes to easily.

Finn doesn't remember ever being able to smile easily. Maybe he can learn. If people can change, which he still doubts.

" _Are you hoping your parents will change their minds?" snorted Josephine, one of his foster mothers. "They won't. Nobody ever changes."_

 _I don't know about being a decent guy,_ Finn thinks, even as he nods at Poe. _I think I'm more of a coward. I'm afraid._

"You know, there's a Christmas party Ms. Organa's throwing in a few days," Poe says carefully. "Next week, actually. Christmas Eve." He clears his throat. "You could come, if you want."

"I don't think it'd be a good thing to do to remind her of her son there."

Poe blinks. "She doesn't _want_ to forget him, Finn. She'd be happy to see you."

 _How can anyone want to remember someone who's caused her so much pain?_ Finn wonders. "What if Ben Solo—Kylo Ren— _did_ murder Luke Skywalker? Would she still want to remember him then?"

Poe nods, running his hand through his hair. "I mean, I don't know if _I_ would. But she would. She's—she's his mom. If she didn't, I'd say she's a terrible parent who created Kylo Ren, but that's not really the case. She adores him and she always will, although I don't think she would deny it if it was proven. She's too smart for that."

"So she's admit he did it, and still love him?" Finn questions. _How is that possible?_

_Isn't that what you've always wanted? Someone to love you like that?_

Poe nods. "Condemning someone's actions doesn't mean you have to condemn them as well." He sighs, blowing out his breath as they sit in the deserted lobby. "My mom used to say that."

"Used to?" Finn questions. A chilly draft seeps through the window.

"She died when I was eight. Dad died last year." Poe bites his lip.

"So this—is your first Christmas without them," Finn states. _Damn. What would it be like to have, and to have lost what you had? Would it be better or worse than never having at all?_

 _Better_ , Finn decides. _To love and have lost… you'd never lose the love, at the very least. You could forget it, but it'd always be there, maybe gathering dust, but waiting for you to remember it._

"What do you usually do for Christmas?" Poe asks.

Finn shrugs. "I don't. I mean, I grew up in foster homes. Now, I just… sit around, I guess."

"I was thinking of volunteering for a soup kitchen this year," Poe says. "You could come, if you want."

Finn's heart leaps. "I'd like that."

"Great." Poe grins. He rises. "We should probably get out of here before the storm gets worse."

"I'll call an uber." Finn grabs his phone.

"Why? I can drive you." Poe nudges a sleeping BB-8. "Unless you mind getting dog hair all over you."

Finn laughs. "No, not at all." He pauses, getting to his feet. "But really, why are you helping me?"

"Because you seem like a good guy?" Poe offers.

 _I don't understand why you'd think that._ But Finn nods as if he does. Poe frowns.

_He really does like me._

_He wouldn't if he knew what I was really like_.

_Can't you let him decide himself?_

But he's too afraid.

Finn's phone rings. He snatches it. "Rey?"

"Hi Finn." Rey sounds composed, too composed. Poe's eyes widen. " _Cop lady?"_ he mouths.

"Listen, we're—I've got a bit of a problem. I was in a car accident—"

"Are you okay?" Finn yelps.

"I'm fine. Maybe some whiplash, nothing serious." Rey clears her throat. "But we're on the highway—before exit 21. And we're stuck."

Finn's jaw drops. "Who is _we?"_

"Me and Kylo Ren."

" _You're stuck in a broken-down car with Kylo Ren?"_

Poe leaps to his feet.

"And the best part is that we can't get a tow truck for two hours. I guess there are a lot of stuck cars—I know it's kind of unfair to ask, but—"

"I don't own—" He'll get an uber. He'll figure it out. "Don't worry about it. I'm coming."

" _My car,"_ Poe mouths.

"Poe's taking us," Finn declares. "We'll be right there."

"Great, thanks. I'll hang up—gotta conserve battery."

"Rey—" The line goes dead. Finn curses.

"She's pretty," Poe says, grinning at Finn as they dash outside. The cold cuts at Finn's face, at his exposed hands.

_Are you trying to hint that I should ask her out? But I thought—_

No, beyond Poe's eyes, Finn sees a sadness.

_You want me to be happy that badly?_

"What do you say we head to my house?" Poe shouts. "It's only a block from here, and I have something that might work better than a car."

"What?" Finn cries out.

"A snowmobile."

Finn throws his hands in the air as BB-8 clambers into the car. "Why the hell do you have one of those in a city?"

"Don't ask!"

* * *

"Maybe he's right," Rey says, her teeth chattering. "Maybe I don't have what it takes to be a good cop."

"If he's calling you _little girl_ I'm not sure he does either," Kylo says, clapping his gloved hands together. The warmth from the heater has slowly drained out of the car, and the snow continues to rise.

_Please get here, Finn. Please don't leave me here._

Rey shrugs. "We'll see." She casts Kylo a side-glance, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Do you have any ideas for where your uncle might be?"

"No." Kylo shakes his head.

"Why did you do it?" she asks. "Why did you embezzle from him? Why did you trust Snoke?"

"He hasn't let me down yet."

"Yeah, you're living the life you'd always dreamed." Rey rolls her eyes. "Tell me another one."

Kylo clenches his fists. "It was wrong."

"Wait what? Are you actually—"

"Yes, Rey, I know what I did was wrong—but I—" Kylo shakes his head. "It's too late. I thought Snoke could—I thought him a better investor than my uncle. And he did have a better reputation. I thought he could protect me."

"But he used you."

Kylo shrugs.

"Why did you believe him, exactly?" Rey asks.

"I just told you. I trusted him." Kylo leans over. "And now he's the only one who knows what I've done and hasn't condemned me for it."

"What about me?" Rey demands.

Kylo raises his eyebrows.

 _Well_. Rey scowls. "But hasn't he? If he's telling you not to go back to your parents, that there's no other path—"

"I told you, he's just saying the truth." A tree branch thwacks into the side of the car. Rey jumps. Kylo flinches.

"Why would you believe him, though?" she demands, leaning across.

Kylo doesn't answer.

"You still want to believe there's some part of you that was in the right," Rey says in disgust. "And you know what the right thing to do is? Admit you were fully, 100%, in the wrong."

Kylo looks back at her, inhaling sharply. Her shoulders tremble from the cold, but she won't break her gaze.

"Here." He hands her his scarf.

"Thanks." Rey wraps it around herself.

_We could sit closer together._

_If Finn doesn't make it here, we may have to._

_No!_

"You don't think I killed him anymore, do you?" Kylo asks.

She shakes her head. "No." And if she were to find out that he had… the thought hits her like a bullet.

"Thank you," he tells her.

"It'd be good if you could tell your mother what you think, though," Rey cuts in. "Which I'm still not convinced of. I don't trust your employer."

"He—" Kylo swallows. "He doesn't care enough about me to do that. He—likes me to be able to do work for him, but beyond that—"

"So you acknowledge it." Rey leans back. "Did you ever think he cared about you?"

Kylo meets her eyes, and she knows he did.

"Just like I believed my parents cared about me," Rey says. "But I grew up, and I realized they didn't. And I moved on. And your parents—"

"What do you even know about them?" Kylo demands. "What the news tells you? They never had time for me. They slapped me with a last name— _Solo_ —and expected that to be my identity. And when I saw Uncle Luke making such foolish decisions, I couldn't go against him—and I just wanted to not be trapped anymore! I just wanted someone to notice me. To see me screaming for help instead of seeing my name and accounting others' actions and wisdom to me _just because_ of my name." His face strains, tears breaking from his eyes.

 _We've lived opposite lives, haven't we?_ Rey thinks.

She thought if she waited long enough, quietly enough, goodly enough, someone would come.

He thought if he screamed enough, if he lashed out enough, if he did his own thing in the end, someone would come, someone would chase him down.

_No one ever came, not for either of us._

Rey's teeth clatter against each other. Kylo reaches his arm out for her, and she grits her jaw.

She can't resist. She's too cold. Rey crawls across to sit in the seat with him. They have no choice but to hold each other. She's small compared to him, and the way she fits against him, under the crook of his arms—it feels safer than it should.

_We're both lonely, and we're both afraid._

_But you are so wrong, Kylo, and you can't even see it_. And if Rey's learned anything, she knows she can't make anyone see anything.

And that makes her so _angry_. She wants to grab him, shake him, force him to see the light.

But she can't.

Is he even wrong? If she lived like him… had his life… he's wrong, but also. _But also_.

She's wrong, too.

_Aren't you still waiting?_

_Aren't you still that little girl, paralyzed with fear, unable to run to safety?_

When she was that little girl and her foster father beat her foster mom, she thought how it was dark out, it was night, and she couldn't see, and who knew who might be there, waiting for her?

 _You're still stuck_.

What would it look like for her to run now? To try to understand what could make the respected Luke Skywalker depressed? To understand what made Ben Solo into Kylo Ren?

_What about my parents?_

She swore to be a cop, to uphold the law and duty and bring justice in hopes she could press the world into black and white, monsters and saints, but what's justice when everything surrounding her is so gray?

"He'll come," Kylo assures her.

 _He thinks I'm thinking about Finn._ About dying here. Rey glances down at her floor, covered in coffee cups.

A knock on their window. Rey screams.

"Need help?" Finn shouts. Finn and Poe Dameron, both trussed up in parkas, hats, and scarves.

Kylo blanches. Poe narrows his eyes at Kylo as if to say _I see you, bro._

"A snowmobile?" Rey shrieks. "What the—" So much for her dreams of getting warm. At least for right now.

"It's only a fifteen minute ride!" Poe shouts. "Leave the car!"

"Will we all fit?" Rey bellows.

"Yes!" Finn calls, tugging Rey up the hill, through the forest. Rey hears Kylo gasp and turns to see snow fall off a branch and land on his neck.

"Your scarf!" She starts to unwrap it.

"You don't have one either!" Kylo shouts. "I'll be fine."

Finn narrows his eyes. And then they're on the snowmobile, Poe in front and Rey, Finn, and Kylo sandwiched behind him.

"Let's go!" Poe takes off through the storm.

"We're going to have to stay at Poe's house!" Finn yells, his words disappearing in the wind.

 _All of us?_ Rey wonders about Kylo.

If it wasn't so cold, this would be fun.

_Isn't it anyways?_

In spite of the cold, Rey smiles.


	4. Joy

_This is the strangest night of my life_. Finn lies wide awake, listening to the wind whistling wildly outside and the clock methodically tick-tocking on the mantle. Poe set them all up with blankets and pillows on the floor.

Rey sleeps on her stomach, with her head twisted sideways on the pillow and her arms strewn out. Kylo faces her, curled up on his side. Both breathe evenly. Finn's not surprised about Rey, but Kylo? How can the man sleep at night?

 _Unless he's innocent,_ which Rey seemed to imply. But that would mean Finn's wrong, and he hates that. Though it wouldn't surprise him. He's always second-guessing himself.

" _You can't be trusted to know your own mind!" screamed one of his foster moms once, a large golden cross dangling from her neck._

Finn crawls out from the blanket, heading into the kitchen. He pours himself a glass of water and stands there, watching the snow twirl outside.

"Finn?"

He turns around to see Poe there, blinking. "Are you okay? Do you need another blanket?"

"I'm fine," Finn says quickly. Poe's been too nice. He'd never complain.

Poe frowns.

"Are you okay?" Finn asks in return. "Can you sleep?"

"Just making sure you haven't been murdered," Poe jokes.

Finn almost cracks a smile. "I think Rey thinks he's innocent."

Poe shrugs, pushing past Finn to fill up a water glass of his own. "Maybe he is. He's been nothing but polite, although I'd still like to break that enormous nose for what he's done to Leia, and Han. They adore him, you know, and he ignores them. They don't even know how to contact him anymore."

"I can't imagine turning away parents," Finn says with a snort.

"Really?" Poe asks, tracing the rim of his glass. He doesn't sound as if he quite believes Finn.

_Isn't that what you do with everyone else?_

_Push them away, because you believe you're not good enough? Run?_

Finn glances towards the darkened door. _Are you afraid, Kylo?_

"You know, you did a great thing," Poe says. "A brave thing. Going to the police—"

Disgust churns in Finn's stomach. "And if I turn out to be wrong—"

"So what?" Poe asks, setting his glass down. He steps closer to Finn, his face inches away. "So what?" he asks again, and Finn wonders.

_So I might have been wrong._

_Does that make me bad?_

_It'd have hurt Kylo… but does that make it wrong, what I did?_ Finn snorts. "Well, if I'd said nothing, I'd be feeling pretty guilty."

Poe nods. "So… you did the right thing. The brave thing."

Finn rolls his eyes. Compliments stick to him, making him uncomfortable.

"Why did you leave First Order?" Poe questions.

Finn rubs his face. "Because they're the epitome of dishonesty. They don't care about their workers; they care about the bottom line, and whoever's in the way—they don't care about anything but money. I feel guilty for even taking a job there, but they were the first ones who offered me a job, they were prestigious, so I took it."

"Understandable," Poe says. "Sounds like me with my first job, until I realized my parents wouldn't want me there."

"Yeah, kind of," Finn says. "Although I kind of liked the idea of sticking it to all those foster parents who said I'd never amount to anything."

"They actually said that?"

Finn casts Poe a strange look. "Why is that surprising?"

"Because it's a lie."

"Well, now I'm unemployed, so—"

"Maybe not for long. And even if you _are_ unemployed, Finn, for a long time—why does that mean you're amounting to nothing? You care about doing the right thing. You're kind and generous and brave. I don't see how—"

"Stop," Finn groans, covering his face.

"Well, you've got more than they've got at First Order," Poe declares, picking up his glass and taking a gulp.

 _Does it matter though?_ Finn wonders. He looks into Poe's shining eyes. _It does to him._

"I mean, if anything… I waited until Ms. Organa offered me another job," Poe says with a shrug. "You went out and just quit. That takes guts."

* * *

When the snow stops and they all leave, Rey doesn't hear from Kylo. She gets her car towed, and a rental in the meantime. Getting her job back is a work in progress, with Title IX confirming that they have several open investigations on Plutt. _Good_.

Finn texts her to tell her that he got a job, and Rey spends the evening at his place with Finn and Poe, drinking champagne and celebrating. _They're cute together._ Poe insists she and Finn come to Ms. Organa's Christmas party, although Rey doesn't think she should show, not with everything going on at work.

At least she has friends, friends who care enough to call her and invite her out. Rey's heart lifts.

On Christmas Eve morning, Rey rises and heads out through piles of slush and snow to grab a gingerbread latté with an extra shot of espresso. Her phone rings as she traipses back home.

A number she doesn't recognize. Rey answers. "Hello?"

"Rey?"

" _Kylo?"_

"Yeah. Um, hi."

"Hi," Rey says back, stalling in front of another coffee shop, not her usual one, blasting Christmas carols. Two kids brush past her, giggling as they race ahead. "What're—"

" _The first Noel…"_

"I found my uncle," he blurts out.

"What?" Of all the things Rey was expecting him to say, this was not one of them. "You—what—how—"

"He's alive," Kylo cuts in. "I talked to Snoke. He knew, all along…" His voice trails off.

"Is he okay?" Rey demands. "Do I need to get a rescue—"

"He's not tied up in a basement somewhere, Rey. He lives in Ahch-To. It's like an hour from here."

_An hour from here._

_Luke Skywalker._

_All along_ … Rey shakes her head, trying to absorb this information.

" _They looked up and saw a star, shining in the East, beyond them far. And to the earth, it gave a great light, and so it continued, both day and night…"_

"Rey?" he prompts.

"Do you have an address?" she ekes out, fumbling in her bag for a pen. She'll write it on her hand. "Or do you want to come?"

"No." Kylo clears his throat. "I don't want to. He knows more than my parents do, Rey."

_You can't face him._

_And it appears he can't face you._ Rage boils under Rey's skin. _Cowards, the lot of you!_

He gives her the address. Rey scribbles it on her palm. "Your car's working again?"

"No, but I have a rental that works even better." Thank God for insurance.

"Good." Kylo clears his throat.

"You need to come," Rey blurts out.

"No."

"Kylo—"

"Merry Christmas, Rey."

"Merry Christmas," she echoes, and then the dial tone bleeps and she wants to howl a curse at him. _Stay on the line!_

_Why do you care so much?_

She doesn't even know.

Rey texts Finn. _I think I've found Luke Skywalker. He's alive._

 _Can I come?_ Finn asks. _I don't start work until after New Year's._

 _Why not?_ She's clearly not going on official police business. Rey leaps into her rental—too fancy for her tastes; she misses her hunk of junk—and heads over to Finn's place.

"Are you for real?" Finn blurts out when she picks him up. "How—"

Rey explains about Kylo. Finn shakes his head. "Man, I was wrong about him."

"Do you know how often cop are wrong?" Rey asks. "Never mind. I won't tell you."

"Well, you're human," Finn allows as Rey speeds along the now-clear highways. Blue and green pine trees drip snow around them, and the sun shines despite the cold air.

"Thanks. So are you." Rey scowls.

"I don't see why he won't go with us, though," Finn remarks.

She knows. _Shame_. It's a pretty damning prison, where your conviction's read aloud constantly, each and every waking moment, and in your sleep.

_What if Luke Skywalker's caught up in the same prison?_

Rey's GPS chirps, directing her to Luke Skywalker's house, a small split-level in neutral colors, without shutters. The driveway's been shoveled, at least. Her hands shake. _If you've been alive and well this whole time…_

Finn leaps out behind her, following Rey as she tromps through the show to the front door. She presses the doorbell, and waits.

_Nothing._

_Are you out right now?_ She slams it again. _I did not drive all this way just to miss you!_

"Rey—" Finn starts, just as a voice calls out behind them.

"Who are you kids?"

Rey gasps, spinning around to see an older man, hair overgrown, staring at them. Her holds several brimming grocery bags.

"Luke Skywalker?" Rey calls, stepping off the stoop. She taps her fingers together nervously.

His face pales. His jaw sets. "How did you get that name?"

"I'm Officer Rey Kenobi. From Jakku." _Maybe not an officer anymore, but that's irrelevant_. She strides towards him, snow soaking through her shoes. Fury spikes. "I've been trying to find you. We've spent so many resources—"

 _Have we?_ Rey stops. _Plutt, did you know? Is this what you took a bribe for, or from? From Luke himself?_

_But why?_

"Your sister misses you," Finn adds, approaching behind her.

Luke still hasn't moved, but the look on his face—it's one of deep regret, and acceptance. "Come in." He brushes past them to unlock the white door, smudged with dirt at the bottom.

"We know about Kylo Ren," Rey puts in. "How he embezzled—all of it."

"We do?" Finn asks.

She averts her eyes. " _I_ do."

"And how is he doing?" Luke asks, swinging the door open to reveal a modest stairway, leading up to a living room and kitchen with hardwood floors. _No Christmas tree,_ Rey notes with disappointment.

"He's ashamed," Rey says bluntly.

"You sure about that?" Finn asks skeptically.

"Yes, actually." Rey watches as Luke sets down his bags, pulling out a container of milk. "Why wouldn't you contact your family? They've been thinking that you're _dead_." Well, Leia hasn't.

Luke pauses, a carton of out-of-season strawberries in his hand.

"Is it just because you're ashamed too?" Rey fires at him.

Luke's shoulders sag. He doesn't look at her.

"Not everything is your fault, you know," Finn says. "That's something I'm trying to learn myself."

"What are you talking about, kid?" Luke demands.

"Well—" Finn stammers. "I'm kind of assuming you felt responsible in some way. For what happened. With the embezzlement. You felt like you let people down—your clients, maybe, also your sister—and your nephew—"

"Please leave," Luke requests.

"I'd rather not," Rey says. Finn glowers at her. _What?_

"Do you have a warrant?" He raises his bushy eyebrows at her.

"No," Rey snaps. "And I'll tell you what else I don't have: a freaking family. My parents abandoned me, God knows they had their reasons, probably—I assume—but it really hurts." Tears sting her eyes. "I know Leia isn't your kid—she's your sister—and Han's your brother-in-law—but can't you see that you're hurting them? You have _no idea_ the kind of pain that you feel thinking people who loved you deliberately chose to abandon you."

_Clearly, they just didn't like you enough._

Maybe they did, and maybe they didn't. It doesn't even matter, not to Rey when she was eight years old and still counting days, r when she was eleven and lost the doll she'd always had, her link to her parents. It doesn't matter now.

_You weren't worth it._

_Maybe not to them, but they're still worth it to me, and_ you're _worth it to Leia, to Han,_ Rey thinks. _So are you, Ben Solo._ "I don't think Leia cares about what you've done. If my parents had shown up—if they still chose to show up—I'd just want to hug them, and them to hug me. I'm _mad_ , yeah, but I still want them because I love them even though I've never met them." Rey wipes at her eyes. "Maybe they're like you, afraid to come back to me because they're ashamed. Or maybe they _don't_ care about me. But I'll never _know_ , and I'll always wonder—always hope—"

_They weren't just a dream. They were real people, maybe are still, wherever they are._

"If you can't see them yet," Rey pleads. "At least write a letter? Make a phone call? _Please?" Don't you love them at all?_

Luke's face crumbles, and he clutches his skull.

 _Please_ , Rey prays. _Please_.

* * *

" _You're fired," Snoke snarled. "I should have fired you long ago. You'll be on the streets in no time."_

Useless _, Kylo called himself so Snoke didn't have to. The same word he knew his parents were always thinking. That and_ failure _, which is what he determined he would never be, and still the label chased him down and took him for its own._

" _You have three days to vacate the premises on that house I'm loaning you," Snoke added._

If only he could redo his life.

But he can't, and for some reason, Kylo feels as if he failed in that, too.

Absently, he folds some money into an envelope. Paying off his ticket. He admires Rey. She's tenacious. She keeps going, no matter what. Plutt better not get her fired. She has too much potential to make a difference.

Unlike him. He could have ended his parents' suffering years ago even if he knew they would never want to see him. He could have pressed harder to find out if Snoke knew anything about Luke Skywalker, but he didn't ask because he was afraid. Not so much that Snoke had done anything to Luke, but that Luke had done something to himself. Something that he would blame the stupid uncle for, that naïve man, and something he would always carry around with him, in little grains, as his fault.

The radio warbles. " _It came upon a midnight clear…"_

Each Christmas since he left home, Kylo's spent alone. And each Christmas he rages, blaming his parents—if his father had just spent more time at home, if his mother wasn't so distracted, if someone, _anyone_ , just noticed him for being _Ben Solo_ instead of Han Solo's son…

_You have no one to blame but yourself._

Hasn't he always known it?

In the end, he's the one who forgot Ben Solo.

But without his anger, without excuses and accusations to ball up like rocks for a slingshot, he feels helpless.

What would Rey do?

The radio keeps singing: " _the world hath suffered long; beneath the angel-strain have rolled, two thousand years of wrong, and man, at war with man, hears not, the love song which they bring; oh hush the noise, ye men of strife, and hear the angels sing."_

Kylo can't hear any angels, but he _can_ hear Rey's voice echoing.

_Your mother never blamed you._

_How can that be true?_

Kylo glances around his tiny abode. Within a few months, he knows, without a job—and he certainly won't get an adequately-paying one without a recommendation—he'll have to sell his car, too.

_What other options do you have left? The streets? Proving Snoke right?_

It seems shameful, to return only when he has no other alternatives. _But I tried—I found Luke—too late, but I tried._

 _Maybe Mother can get me a place at one of the homeless shelters she works at._ It's the most he can hope for.

Before he can change his mind, Kylo grabs his closet door, yanking it open. He dumps his clothes into a suitcase, dragging it to his car. He pulls on his dark coat and gloves, the scarf Rey gave back to him after the snowstorm, and heads outside. He drives, Christmas music playing away on the radio, colorful lights wrapped around trees and houses so that it looks like a wonderland as the sun dips lower on the horizon.

And all the while cold dread seeps between his ribs, nicks at his spine.

He halts his car across the street from their home. He turns the car off, but can't bring himself to climb out, much less ring the doorbell.

What can he even say?

Kylo leans over the steering wheel, punching the dashboard. _Help me._

He wishes Rey were here.

_I am the worst excuse for a son ever._

They may not blame him—or Mom might not, but Dad certainly does—and either way, not blaming him doesn't mean they'll welcome back their dishonest, cruel, pathetic child who probably just feels bad because he's got nowhere else to go.

 _What if that is my motivation?_ Kylo can't even say for certain that it's not. He cranes his neck up, looking out through the windshield.

To see a man staring back at him.

Kylo freezes. His heart skips a beat.

Han Solo drops the bags he's carrying and—he runs towards the car, face wizened and hair gray, slightly stooped, but he's running towards Kylo and Kylo's terrified.

Han pauses before the car door, wearing an expression like _you gonna come out, kid?_

Kylo tries to rehearse in that time he reaches for the door, tries to gather what he'll say—but the moment the door opens, his father grabs him in a hug.

In all Kylo's life, he's been hugged by his father three times. Once after graduating high school. Once after he broke his leg when he was eight. And now.

"What?" Kylo gasps, but Dad won't let him go. His shoulders shake— _is he crying?_ "I—I came to—"

But he stops talking when his father lifts his face to meet Kylo's, and shakes his head. "You're _home."_

"I—"

"Han! _Ben!"_ Mom charges across the street. A car almost hits her and she flips the driver off before throwing her arms around him.

"Why are you doing this?" Kylo cries out. It doesn't make _sense_ —it's crushing—he's—

 _I don't deserve this kind of love_. "I—Mom, Dad—I just wanted to—if I could—I was fired, and Snoke kicked me out of my apartment." Tears spill down his face, hot and symbolizing his humiliation. "I just wanted to ask if you could get me in with one of those shelters—"

" _Ben,"_ Mom says firmly, grabbing his face, and her hands are warm, so warm. "I won't force you not to go to one of those shelters, but we'd love to have you with us, in our home, for a bit too—"

"But I—how can you trust me?" Sobs wrack his chest. "I—"

"I don't care," Mom declares, pulling him close. "You're my _son_."

"Our son," Dad corrects. Kylo meets his eyes, and Dad reaches out to smooth his hair.

* * *

Rey wasn't certain what she expected when she arrives at Ms. Organa's Christmas party, dressed in a tight green dress and with her hair worn in loose waves. She and Finn sat with Luke while he called Ms. Organa. The conversation seemed stilted, but he promised to come for Christmas dinner the next day.

" _You're a smart kid, you know that?" Luke asked her as she prepared to go._

" _Thank you," Rey answered, and he patted her shoulder like a father, almost._

Finn and Poe cavort together almost from the moment they arrive at the hall, decorated with silver snowflakes and golden tinsel, and Rey decides that she will kick both of them if they don't kiss by the end of the night. She spots Ms. Organa and Mr. Solo, both puffy-eyed.

_From Luke?_

A hand taps her shoulder.

 _Oh my God_. Rey's heart leaps to her mouth, and she can't speak.

Kylo's face flushes. "Rey—"

"How did you get here?" she blurts out.

"I drove?" He smirks. "No, but… my parents and I… I needed their help, and—"

"I'm so glad to see you," Rey chokes out. "Your uncle—"

"I heard." He brushes a strand of hair back from her face; his fingers are warm. "Thank you."

"Thank Finn. He's the one who started it."

Kylo smiles.

"I decided to show up now. Didn't want to waste time," Luke says, hands stuck in his pockets. He glances at Kylo, who looks paler than Rey's ever seen him. "You look well."

Kylo's jaw drops.

Luke holds on his hand, and Rey glares at Kylo. _Shake it._

He obeys.

"Luke!" Ms. Organa streams across the hall. She grabs him, looking as if she's going to punch him. Instead, she embraces him.

"Is that what she did to you?" Rey asks, taking in an older man watching her and Kylo. It smells like spruce trees and mistletoe.

"No," Kylo answers honestly. "Maybe she should have, though." He clears his throat. "Snoke fired me for looking up information on Luke."

Rey sighs. "I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not that sorry. Although losing your job sucks."

"You won't lose yours."

Rey snatches a chocolate-dipped strawberry from an hors d'oeuvres plate. "Eh, if I do I'll find another one."

Kylo cocks his head. "True." He pauses. "I think I was afraid of my worst fears being confirmed about Luke. So I did nothing for so long."

"You fixed it, though." She looks into his eyes, which are the color of dark chocolate. Hair falls over his forehead, and she reaches up to brush it away. His hand rests on the back of her head, and his lips hover inches from hers. "Well?" she asks dryly.

Kylo kisses her, his mouth opening against hers. She clutches his shoulders.

_We're two lost people, but maybe we can find a home._

They pull apart, panting. Finn winks at her from across the hall, Poe's arms wrapped around him.

"We're in public," Kylo warns as she leans in to kiss him again.

"Damn." Rey pulls back and pretends to pout. He laughs, and she kisses him anyways, just briefly.

For the first time, she hopes for an actual happy new year and thinks that she might get it, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading, and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This fic has four chapters and will be updated Tuesdays.


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